A & S 250 with Dr. David Sears

Every Monday and Wednesday I endure a little something called Arts and Sciences 250 "Great Ideas" for an hour and fifteen minutes. I took this class not just because I have some pretty good ideas I think are worth sharing, (most of which I've conjured up while under the influence of a little mary jane) but also because it is a requirement in order to graduate. Sara (Nipple) and I wander our ways across Wooster and dread the hour and fifteen minutes of our lives that we are about to waste. The good news is this class has no tests or quizzes, ever. If it weren't for this reason I would have already quit the class and said F the graduation requirement. We sit down and get situated. Next, I wait in anticipation for my main man to come happily sauntering into the room. Dr. David Sears. I tried to find a picture of him for you because without it my experience is not going to be portrayed correctly but unfortunately his photograph is not listed on the BG faculty website. He is an older man, probably in his early sixties. He has wirey gray hair and a mess of facial hair. He always wears a beret with a light blue 80's jacket, denim pants that go up to his belly button, and a plaid button up. Today's colors were yellow and brown but Monday's consisted of a dark red and black, resembling a lumber jack wearing a french beret. The best part about Dr. David Sears is that his eyebrows are all kinds of crazy. It takes everything in me not to get up in the middle of class, walk to the front of the room where he is mumbling about, remove his coke-bottle glasses, lick my thumb, and smooth his caterpillar eyebrows back into the position they should be in. After he skips in all jolly and shit, he proceeds to undress down to his plaid shirt and sweet pants. Without fail, every class after getting undressed he reaches into his over the shoulder canvas bag and pulls out a tupper-wear bowl of m&ms. Now there are numerous reasons I choose to pass the bowl right on by everytime it reaches my seat. Number one this m&m ritual has been occurring since the first day of class and I'm not certain if they have ever been replaced, number two this guy is a whack job and I wouldn't be surprised if these little chocolate morsels were dipped in acid prior to class, and number three because the tupper-wear bowl is a horrid pistachio green color that reminds me of the vomit bucket Linda used to bring to my room when I was little. I daze in and out of class barely paying any attention to what is going on. Mostly because it is impossible to. Most of the words he uses I don't even know. I feel like I should take my laptop to the class just so that I will have access to dictionary.com to follow what's going on in the conversation. This guy is tricky though. He randomly calls on anyone he pleases and this class only has about twenty people in it, raising the chances of a random call-on. This gives me anxiety because I never do the reading and I sound like a complete imbucil everytime I open my mouth. David usually just looks at me when I give him one of my bullshit "I have no idea what you're talking about but I'll try to come up with an answer that sounds legit" answers and then calls on someone else. This is the same bastard I mentioned in a previous post who sent out a mass email informing us that he was going to start calling on people who never raise their hands to participate. Today was the same as any other ridiculous day in that nonsense class. I'm in and out of the conversation about Aristotle when I got too bored with doodling and decided to tune into what was going on at exactly the right moment. I was just in time to hear David say: "We could call them crabs but they are still going to be the four-legged creatures we used to ride on sometimes." I looked directly down at my notebook and wrote this quote down. I then had to compose myself to keep from laughing hysterically at David's shenanigans. Can someone please tell me what this means? Did we used to ride on crabs and for some reason I just repressed this fond memory? If so, I'm mad. I would love to ride on a crab to class. I think next Monday I'll go for the m&ms and let the acid hit me, then we'll see what kind of ridiculous shit I hear come out of David's mouth.