Tease- Tease a Louise

I just found this again and had to share it with everyone.

I cry. Cry. Cry.

Curse of Curves.... Check.

I love this song. At 1:19 I want to knock him out of his chair and . . . . . .
Anyway I have begun parting my hair on the opposite because my part is going bald, (sweet since I'm 20) so I've got this really cool side swoop. Our kids would have the best side bangs you've ever seen. I'm going to see them November 8th (alone) and I'm going to meet him and bring him home with me. The blonde will be in town a few weeks after that, so she will get to meet him. HOW EXCITING!!!

Enjoy

Sleep Deprivation

I believe I have previously mentioned my bizarre attitude towards sleeping with guys overnight. This is not an issue for me whatsoever with members of the same sex, but there is just something about catching z's with a guy next to me in my bed that rubs me the wrong way. Sleeping with someone is like the ultimate most comfortable thing you can do with a guy. Think about it, you are more than likely in a queen sized bed or smaller. In my case it's a full. So your face is like five infinitesimal inches away from his face. Every girl looks like shit in the morning when they wake up. Guys do not have to deal with this nonsense every morning. They look exactly the way they did when they were saying goodnight to you. Bullshit. They don't bleed profusely for a week every month risking their life if during that particular week they happen to be in an ocean that has sharks, it doesn't take them more than twenty minutes to get ready, and they don't look like they traveled to hell and back during a windstorm when they wake up in the morning. It's just not right. So you sleep less than a foot away from this guys face...breathing the same air, (again, that's just not right)you wake up and both have morning dragon breath, and then there's one more little issue that unfortunately I encountered last night. Snoring.

I finally did it. Anthony and I had just finished watching The Notebook, (an essential boyfriend requirement) after which we cuddled in my amazingly comfortable bed in my freezing little Doll House and shot the shit about anything that happened to come up. Before we knew it the clock was striking 3 am and poor little Anthony booger had to be up at 8 for a class. Well there were two reasons I decided to bend the rules and allow Anthony to endure a slumber party with me. One: I'm really starting to like this guy and I legitimately didn't want him to leave, and Two: It was three am. You know what three am is right? The witching hour. Since I'm the biggest pansy-ass known to mankind when it comes to ghosts and that bullshit, there was no way in H-E double hockey sticks I was going to let him leave me alone in my bed to try to sleep at the hour of the devil. No no no. So I tell him he can stay. He was surprised and mildly excited at my change of heart. However, Anthony came equipped with a disclaimer: "Caroline you cannot be mad if I snore." Here's where I'm thinking: Okay, there is no way he is going to snore again like last time... last time he was about ten shots of white grape vodka in which was his excuse as to why he was snoring louder than our hot water heater. So I decide to take my chances since I'm scared shitless and I thoroughly enjoy him. BAD CHOICE.

It is now four am and we are both hygienically ready for bed and dressed in our full on pjs for the occasion. He says goodnight to me, quick kiss... and not even ten minutes later he is snoring like a tractor 6 inches away from my forehead. DAMN IT. About thirty seconds after this nonsense starts he then proceeds to flip over and face the other direction. I'm somewhat relieved that I do not have to breathe his snoring air anymore, except for the tiny detail that he rolled over connected with all of the covers. He is now rolled up taco style in my down comforter and the fleece blanket I brought from home to temper the sting of the frigid air. It's about negative freezing in my bedroom so now not only do I have a tractor snore soundtrack to try to drown out, I am ice cold and smashed up against my plaster bedroom wall. I tossed and turned for four hours, getting maybe (MAYBE) an hour and a half of shut eye. I am startled to a jolt to an "Apple Bottom Jeans" ringtone at about notch 6 on his cell-phone's sound level as his alarm clock signals eight in the effing am when I didn't have to be up until 10:15.


Wakey wakey eggs and Bakey.

A & S 250 with Dr. David Sears

Every Monday and Wednesday I endure a little something called Arts and Sciences 250 "Great Ideas" for an hour and fifteen minutes. I took this class not just because I have some pretty good ideas I think are worth sharing, (most of which I've conjured up while under the influence of a little mary jane) but also because it is a requirement in order to graduate. Sara (Nipple) and I wander our ways across Wooster and dread the hour and fifteen minutes of our lives that we are about to waste. The good news is this class has no tests or quizzes, ever. If it weren't for this reason I would have already quit the class and said F the graduation requirement. We sit down and get situated. Next, I wait in anticipation for my main man to come happily sauntering into the room. Dr. David Sears. I tried to find a picture of him for you because without it my experience is not going to be portrayed correctly but unfortunately his photograph is not listed on the BG faculty website. He is an older man, probably in his early sixties. He has wirey gray hair and a mess of facial hair. He always wears a beret with a light blue 80's jacket, denim pants that go up to his belly button, and a plaid button up. Today's colors were yellow and brown but Monday's consisted of a dark red and black, resembling a lumber jack wearing a french beret. The best part about Dr. David Sears is that his eyebrows are all kinds of crazy. It takes everything in me not to get up in the middle of class, walk to the front of the room where he is mumbling about, remove his coke-bottle glasses, lick my thumb, and smooth his caterpillar eyebrows back into the position they should be in. After he skips in all jolly and shit, he proceeds to undress down to his plaid shirt and sweet pants. Without fail, every class after getting undressed he reaches into his over the shoulder canvas bag and pulls out a tupper-wear bowl of m&ms. Now there are numerous reasons I choose to pass the bowl right on by everytime it reaches my seat. Number one this m&m ritual has been occurring since the first day of class and I'm not certain if they have ever been replaced, number two this guy is a whack job and I wouldn't be surprised if these little chocolate morsels were dipped in acid prior to class, and number three because the tupper-wear bowl is a horrid pistachio green color that reminds me of the vomit bucket Linda used to bring to my room when I was little. I daze in and out of class barely paying any attention to what is going on. Mostly because it is impossible to. Most of the words he uses I don't even know. I feel like I should take my laptop to the class just so that I will have access to dictionary.com to follow what's going on in the conversation. This guy is tricky though. He randomly calls on anyone he pleases and this class only has about twenty people in it, raising the chances of a random call-on. This gives me anxiety because I never do the reading and I sound like a complete imbucil everytime I open my mouth. David usually just looks at me when I give him one of my bullshit "I have no idea what you're talking about but I'll try to come up with an answer that sounds legit" answers and then calls on someone else. This is the same bastard I mentioned in a previous post who sent out a mass email informing us that he was going to start calling on people who never raise their hands to participate. Today was the same as any other ridiculous day in that nonsense class. I'm in and out of the conversation about Aristotle when I got too bored with doodling and decided to tune into what was going on at exactly the right moment. I was just in time to hear David say: "We could call them crabs but they are still going to be the four-legged creatures we used to ride on sometimes." I looked directly down at my notebook and wrote this quote down. I then had to compose myself to keep from laughing hysterically at David's shenanigans. Can someone please tell me what this means? Did we used to ride on crabs and for some reason I just repressed this fond memory? If so, I'm mad. I would love to ride on a crab to class. I think next Monday I'll go for the m&ms and let the acid hit me, then we'll see what kind of ridiculous shit I hear come out of David's mouth.

.....im bored.

i mean im really trying to write on here guys but you have to give me time to warm up to this. everything i want to say is either boring as f*** or nearly one of the most mortifying experiences of my life. im not sure i can handle that kind of pressure yet. hahaaaa.

im off to bed, but before i go- id like to leave you with a memory.

i will simply give you clues:

1. highschool

2. commons area-lunch time

3. foreign lang. week... so its EXTRA packed

can anyone figure this one out.

Dance Dance Revolution

(In case you are wondering, Nipple is the one on the left in the blue shirt)

Well after two hours of foot loose & fancy moves it's safe to say DDR is making its comback into the life of Caroline Bass. I never used to be all that good at the game back in the dinosaur ages of high school but tonight I defied my anti-rhythmic odds and kicked the shit out of the game. Anyone who knows me knows I have absolutely no sense of rhythm. I do okay out at the bars after a few beers grinding up on anyone who is brave enough to bump up behind me but if someone were to try to teach me some sort of dance they would end up peeing in hilarity and I would end up cowering away in embarrassment. I thought for sure tonight my roommates would hand my ass to me in DDR but to my delight I have found someone who is quite possibly qualified in the horrific classification. Sara Elizabeth Newell aka.. Nipple. She is possibly both the worst and most amusing person to watch play this game that is all about foot-eye coordination. She moves in very spurratic motions and always seems to be about a half second too late. The game will tell you what your average score is after every three songs. Nipple never got any higher than an E. All I can say to that is, better than an F!

On a side note my boyfriend and I spent last night quoting movies to each other in his bed. I'd like a standing ovation for my two performances in the last 24 hours because he got his ass handed to him in this little game as well. What was his choice on movie quote battle? Tommy Boy. Oops. Little does he know that my best friend (Tommy) and I know every line in that movie that's worth knowing.

I leave you with this:

Richard: Oh that sounds good: melted chocolate inside the dash, that really ups the resale value.
Tommy: I think you'll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. 'Surprised you didn't know that.
Richard: I think your brain has a thick candy shell.
Tommy: Your... Your brain has the shell on it.
Richard: Are you talking?
Tommy: Shut up, Richard.

im so glad i decided to use the largest text possible to post that with because now you cant read it.

f. my. life.

why.

will somone please inform me WHY the only people i attract are:
A. old enough to be my dad.
B. has the mindset of a 10 yr old.
C. far shorter than i am.
D. doing NOTHING in their life.
E. thinks it is acceptable to bump to rap all the time or talk like a wigger.
F. sends me corny ass text msgs that make me gag & then never want to respond.
G. calls me shorty.
H. weird as F***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why did my parents think it was ok to settle down in a city that was rated by its OWN newspaper nearly the WORST city in the country to meet someone. thats great... just great.

T-O-L E-D-O

My Roommate freshman year was a cheerleader for UT, so of course she knew all the football players. So one night we go to the dorm room of the defensive line. Out of the refrigerator comes a very large water bottle of brown liquor. After Hanna and I drink the entire water bottle full of the unknown liquor, out comes a brand spankin new bottle of Southern Comfort. After that bottle was about half way gone a new friend joins us, The kicker. Now UT is a very small school and it does not have a very good football team, but you still feel a little bit of excitement when you meet people that actually play on the team. Well we were shooting the shit when this little fellow walks in. Now you must keep in mind that I was completely hammered. He sits down and is completely sober looking rather gloomy. He sits there not saying much. The whiskey quickly disappeared, so out came beers. (Bottles. which happen to be my fave.) I insist on opening my own bottle and off goes the cap flying through the room. Despite my extreme delayed reaction I look up in time to see the cap hitting the lil guy square in the head. He looks like he's having a miserable time and I just smoked him in the face, so now I feel obligated to talk to him. Sober Chassidy would be very embarrassed and avoid him at all costs. Drunk Chassidy was now sitting next to him. The football team had just lost miserably, so I asked him if he was on the team. Maybe that's why he looked like gloomy Gus. This conversation followed. "Are you on the team?" "Yeah." "Well you must not play." "Why do you say that?" "You're very small and you don't look like a football player." "No. I play." "Well you must not be very good. You are way too small the other guys must crush you." He just looks at me at this point. Now the Kicker jumps in. "Chassidy, this is Aaron. . . . The quarterback." All I can say is Oh. Fortunately everything else in the dorm room is a blur. Next thing I know I'm walking down the sidewalk wrapped in a blanket. I fall. Hard. I'm sure it has something to do with the blanket wrapped around my legs, but I'm even more certain I fall because my BAC is about 8. Well I woke up the next morning wrapped in the blanket with skinned palms and a killer hangover laying on the common room floor. I later found out that Aaron threw about 7 interceptions and was the single reason for the horrible loss. Wow. I felt like an ass hole. I never talked to Aaron again, but this is a little tribute to him. Why you ask? Well he is still the quarterback for UT and they just beat Michigan 13-10. He didn't throw any interceptions and I take full responsibility for that. Sorry I had to humiliate you, Aaron. But you've become a better person because of it.

LET ME SEE YO GRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL.

ok. im going to try to say this one without punching my computer and/or a baby.
had an ortho visit yesterday, i had to schedule it because the space between my teeth seems to be getting bigger and my right lateral tooth seems to be moving. so. i schedule an apt sit down in the chair and the dr. comes over. he mentions this spiral retainer they will make me or... and he puts it "youre not going to like this option" immediately. immeeeeeediately i knew where this guy was going. fucken braces. AGAIN. seriously. once or twice is just simply NOT ENOUGH. how many times is it going to take to avoid jacked up teeth. amuse me, i want to know. so i told him i refuse to have them for the holidays when jimmy is here or in january when i go to visit jimmy. so for three months starting february i will again have clear braces and again want to jump off of every high level bridge i come across.

life just doesnt get any better than this... well they do say three times is a charm. i guess i will be the living proof after this.

UNBELIEVABLE.

Twilight

Well, I promised myself I wouldn't do it but I am now fully engulfed in the Twilight series. I told myself I would not fall victim to this new story of love and vampires that everyone has gone completely mad over simply because I know it is going to turn into the next Harry Potter; which I think is a sell out. As much as I tried to avoid it's path it somehow found its way onto my bookshelf and after two trial-chapters I cannot seem to put it down. It is going to take away from my blogging for a while so I thought I should inform you of my whereabouts since I will seldom be writing in my free time. Edward Cullen is far too enchanting and hot to ignore.

"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him - and I didn't know how dominant that part might be - that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."

-Stephenie Meyer-

2 a.m. Wake-Up Call

I'd like to take this time to allow you to take a walk in the dormant life of Caroline Bass. Due to my Sunday night shenanigans I was very tired all day yesterday. I read a chapter of Twilight and retired to my amazing bed at about midnight, happy to know I was going to get a full eleven hours of nothing but pure shut eye. I started my nightly ritual of brushing my teeth, washing my face, pjs, contacts and setting the alarm on my cell phone. Well thanks to the Doll House and the one outlet provided for me in my entire bedroom, I have to run extension cords along the walls in order to allow my cell phone charger to be at my bed at nighttime. Unfortunately I made the rash decision at Target to get the nine foot extension cord instead of the sixteener, making the cord about three feet too short to reach the head of my bed. Therefore I have to plug my phone into the charger that only reaches my knees when I'm in bed. So I text the lovely Anthony Fritz and tell him goodnight and then proceed to put my phone on alarm only, resting it in its usual knee-high position. I don't know if you're much of a Monday Night Football fan but if you are you know that the Cleveland Browns were matched up against the New York Giants last evening. Since the Browns suck most of the football world were betting in the Giant's favor. I failed to mention earlier that my wonderful boyfriend is a die hard Browns fan. Turns out the Brownies pulled it off and somehow came out victorious in last night's match up. Anthony texted me back goodnight on cloud nine due to his fave team's miracle game, I didn't think anything of this and went off to bed anyways with Milo curled up in his usual spot on my neck. For me to be able to sleep I require no lights and no sounds. I realized about forty seconds too late that I had left my windows open and I could hear every leaf crackle and every passing yacking pedestrian. Dragging myself out of bed, I proceeded to shut and lock both of the windows the Doll House provides me in my room. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep about two minutes after I hit the pillow.

I am awakened in a panic to someone pounding on the door to the Doll House. My heart is racing as I'm thinking about who could possibly be at the door this late slamming on the front door. I make the decision to lay as still and quiet as possible, hoping for the slamming stranger to retreat back to their humble abode. No such luck. I wanted to feel around for my phone to see if someone had called before they rudely awoke me from my slumber but I was both paralyzed with straight up fear and trying to stay stealth in hopes that if the homeboy outside didn't see a light go on in my room they would surely go home and let me get back to my REM cycle. Suddenly the night knocker is at my window. One negative aspect to having an all one story Doll House is you run the risk of having visitors at all hours of the night knocking at your little window. Milo and I are freaked out at this point. I was thinking of all possible ways to get ahold of Sara in the room next to me but I was too scared to move. The knocker then proceeds to yell "BABYYYY!" at the window. I have now discovered that my nightly knocker is a male with a pretty familiar voice. If I don't respond or move, Anthony will go home, right? WRONG. He then moves back to the door and is knocking so hard it sounds like he is going to bust the door down. At this point I'm thinking about who is dead because that's how crazy Anthony is acting. I realize now that something is terribly wrong and I force myself out of bed, still very disoriented, and make my way to the door without any form of vision since I failed to unpack my glasses from my weekend at Linda's. I open the door and sure enough... there he is, decked out in a Browns jersey with a crazy look on his face. Who died? He says maybe two or three words, still out on the front porch mind you, and I am knocked to the ground by the smell of vodka. It seriously smelled like he took a bath in grey goose using a vodka smelling shampoo and conditioner. He can't even hold his head up and he is swaying from side to side. He stumbles into the doorway and feels up the wall in my bedroom to find the light switch. I grabbed his hand just in time to spare my sleepy brown eyes from the blinding overhead light and walk him to my bed because he can't make it on his own. He goes on to profess his love for me and then starts giving himself a little pep talk as if I'm not sitting right there. "Come on, Anthony.. get yourself together." I'm just sitting there with a ridiculous look on my face thinking what in the hell is going on. I then made him leave and go home to go to bed, ordering that he doesn't drink anymore that night. I called him about four minutes later because lets be honest at this point he could be skipping backwards going the opposite direction of his house. Fortunately he made it home but is now requesting that I come down there and see him. Now I'm really starting to get irritated. I hang up on him and try to get back into the dream I was having.

About a half hour of tossing and turning goes by and I then hear our squeaky front door open and close and I know I locked it after the Anthony night-knocker nonsense. What now? Since Katie has to be up at six in the morning to teach I figure it has to be Sara out and about at three in the morning. She went to bed before I did so I was very confused at this point about where in the hell she could be venturing off to in the middle of the night. I give her a little ring-a-ding and she picks up. Apparently Rob, Anthony's trusty roommate and good friend called and sent Sara into a state of panic making it sound like something was wrong. I informed her that they were all completely sloshed and that she was wasting her time but unfortunately she was already in Rob's blurry vision in front of their house. Her nonsense night with him is an entire different story so I'm not going to get into that right now.

The best part about this is my boyfriend and I are both completely ridiculous, I think it's really going to work out. Due to his performance last night I now get a free pass for all of my drunken nonsense nights yelling at him for no reason. Jackpot.

Spring Break 2007

In a matter of 6 days...

Hamsters are from Germany..especially the long haired ones (since people don't shave there), Sneaky's does NOT allow you in without a college ID, Jessica can do kick flips off of a board completely wasted and then turn around and tell all of us sober kids to be cool since a cop is stopped at the light, Always turn left on Jackpot, Heather snores like Darth Vader and knows everything about anything in this world, We went to our first "Lush" party, When I'm very drunk I push Natalie into other guys so that I dont have to dance with them and she gets mad, Chassidy gets molested by French-speaking people and is so drunk she cant hear the music and therefore doesnt know how to dance to the song, Earl is one of many rednecks in West Virginia who drives around with a confederate flag on his car, People don't watch their children when they are playing in malls, What a "guap" is, Who Spike (and his "cock" are), Someone was laughing (but trying not to laugh) sending Chassidy and I into a state of paralyzation (NATALIE GET IN HERE SOMEONE IS IN HERE!), 9 bottles of liquor, 2 "cases" of beer, 24 bottles of Mikes hard, Club Kryptonite, J.W. Batchelor will only give you a warning as long as you're wearing a low cut dress, even if you roll a stop sign, don't have proof of insurance, and he's a state trooper, Crazy Dave will come to the door even though he is the pool man and offer drinks, SPIKE (and his "cock") is CRAZY, Jumping into the -40 degree ocean in no clothes is a little bit chilly, Caroline's is amazing, Taxi drivers are sometimes also residents at the hotel... but you should still lock them out and get very scared of them anyways, Mark from Dayton is an amazing dancer, Termites don't live in trees they live in houses, The living room floor gets VERY slippery when you spill beer on it, Natalie: "I thought the point of this was so that we didnt have to stop and get food?" Me: "Well what would you like me to do? pitch a tent and make you a pb & j?", Chassidy pees on elevators, It's 5:00 somewhere, Chassidy knows how to freak a black and mild, Chassidy: (While walking into the lush party) I have something on my wrist. Me: "Keep it, it might be important." (We wake up to some sort of hot pink shoe lace being tied around chassidy's wrist, Spike didn't actually make us dinner, his friend Chad (tool) did, Drinking + hot tub + pool = not a good idea, $2.00 Tuesdays at Kryptonite is inaccurate, Fred and Sheila are absolutely ridiculous, Natalie loves the air mattress, Heather wears Uggz on the beach, Chassidy falls while walking and we all die laughing, We stop 234528402934 times on the way home and every town can tell that we aren't from there, Shirlena, Sea Gulls, Shadow pictures, Heather swings at the racist guy who lives next door... he runs, Someone kept fucking with the temperature of our hotel room, Chassidy's pool potion (beer, vodka, mikes, and peach absolute all mixed into one) + Caroline's "bar" drink (berry mikes, lots of vodka) = chassidy puking, More than 3 anxiety attacks out of Caroline and Chassidy, Heather CANNOT eat taco bell... ever, I really hope someone just opened the peanut butter, BYE BYE MISS AMERICAN PIE, Im going to lose my mind, Its not crab season, Flush and run as fast as you possibly can away from the buidling, People putting their pugs in the trunks of their cars, CRAZY DAVE (again... what to say about him), sand angels, Chesapeake + Alex + Heather+ Meredith= Spike's favorite SC girls, Chassidy (chesapeake): "Spike, what happened to the bottom of your jeans? did you go in the ocean with them?" Spike (jared): "what ocean?"



:o) amazing spring break.

Oh Mr. Bender

Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.

Here's to Sex on Sundays!

Well. I think it's safe to say the three contributors to this blog are a complete and utter shit-show. I'll remind you that last night was Sunday before I go on. I'll also inform you that I drank five beers in a half hour thanks to Sarah Farley's Mario Kart Marathon drinking game. Rules and Regulations: Four players, four beers. The object is to finish your beer before the Mario Kart race is over. No drinking and driving. Meaning (sorry i had to take a little time out because Milo was proceeding to stick his furry little face in my bowl of chicken soup) you have to race your little guy (Yoshi was mine) to the finish line but somewhere in the middle of the race you have to finish an entire beer. So if you cross the finish line first and your beer can isn't empty you lose. Needless to say because of my karting skills and my beer chugging abilities I was about five deep and Yoshi was going strong. After about a half hour of this nonsense and six beers later (in a half hour, mind you) we realized we killed an entire case of beer with Mario and the gang upstairs. What now, you ask? Well we then proceed to venture to the liquor stash in the freezer. I don't know if you've ever encountered a little something called cherry bernettes but it is not pretty, my friends. So we then take a few half-frozen (because it's so cheap) shots in the kitchen. What do we cheers to you ask? Good question. And the answer is one word one syllable. SEX. While everyone is cheersing (cheersing?) to having sex and then coming to the devastating realization that none of them are having it I proceed to yell "Here's to sex on sundays!" I'd like to add a little disclaimer onto this section of the story and go ahead and inform you that I do not remember this part of the evening.

We move on out to the front porch and drink on our little stoop. I'm assuming I was blacked-out by this point since I don't remember these events. Then my faithful boyfriend shows up around midnight. In my defense I gave him a fair four hour warning that if he came over at midnight after the movie he was at I was going to be very, very drunk. Apparently I sat on his lap in the front yard and talked to him about how I have to start planning my high school reunion because it is coming up in a year (or three). After this brilliant revelation of the upcoming high school reunion I need to plan I proceeded to hug my good buddy Brian a little too long. This wouldn't be such a big deal had I not sat on his lap on the porch after our awkwardly extended embrace with Anthony sitting a mere six feet away. Anthony and I decided to head for his house next door (avoiding the sidewalk at all costs, by the way) to hang out for a little bit and talk about my actions before I slip into an alcohol-induced coma. We got upstairs and did I have no idea what because I'm a raging alcoholic, fooled around (sorry about the graphic details), he gave me a safe sex talk, I got pissed, yelled at him for a half hour about awkward situations, and then I stumbled my happy ass back to the Doll House. I woke up with Milo on my head in the same clothes I was wearing last night with a horrid headache. The only time I have felt as hung over as I do today was one time freshman year when I threw up over the side of my lofted bunk bed, the day after the wedlock of my dear daddy-o and good old aim, or perhaps the day after Chassidy made me drink pickle wine and she peed all over my Dad's apartment.


I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is Anthony isn't mad anymore. I just got back from his house and he basically told me I'm an out of control drunkard but that he likes me anyway. For the entire half hour long fight last night he said he didn't say one word. Man I'm talkative after a few games of Mario Kart Marathon. As for the Brian thing, he didn't seem to notice last night so I think we're okay there. He went to a strip club in Canada so I think we're even. The bad news is I still feel like complete shit and I have to go to class at 4:30. My professor sent out an email to our class that said: "A very special thank you to all of you who participate and speak regularly in class but I am going to be calling on those who do not, be prepared." Well I'm not big on social graces (thank you, Garth Brooks) so you can bet that I have never once raised my hand to speak in that class. Perfect.


P.S.
Piss off, Jaimie
(happy birthday)

Jungle Juice Chronicles- Winthrop Edition

I'd like to start off by saying- Jaimie, this is a kind, friendly environment. No put-downs, only warm fuzzies.

That being said, I had quite the weekend. It was perfect for blogging. I started Friday off with a little trip to Lander University. I'll save that info for a separate post because according to everyone I don't blog enough. Saturday I had to go to my AWESOME job. Each time I go to work I promise I'm putting in my two weeks.... I never do. After work I went to Chase's soccer game and watched him be a little super star. Before the game I asked him how many goals he was going to score. He said 3 and you can bet your sweet ass that he scored 3. I went home and attempted to rest up for the night that promised many shenanigans.

I arrived in Rock Hill at approximately 10:10 and we headed to the highlighter party. The jungle juice was so strong that I doubt the alcohol they used was legal in the United States. Caroline has 4 voice mails that I refuse to listen to. I remember leaving one of them and I wasn't able to form any actual words.
So we are at the party and I look up and this kid is in the corner, behind the couch on his back. We've all had to go to the those alcohol prevention presentations for our orientation class and this scene looked like it was right out of one of the reenactments. Awesome. I was not in the right frame of mind for that. Someone helped him outside and he began throwing up on the deck. I helped him out into the grass where he proceeded to throw up on my knees and shoes. I've never had someone throw up on me, but let me tell you as soon as the vomit hit me I started throwing up. I looked around and saw a very sober young man standing behind us with a look of utter disgust on his face. I asked him for a glass of water that I dumped down my jeans and shoes. After Barfy stopped throwing up he said he was going back to his room. Next thing I know, I'm holding him up and we are walking back to his room with his pissed off friend on one side of us and Jess on the other side. After getting him to his room and dumping 3 glasses of water on his face we went back to Jess's room. I don't remember anything after that. I woke up with my shoes on and two pipe cleaners tied to my wrists. After I figured out exactly what was going on and where I was I looked at my phone and saw that I talked to Jaimie and the student gov president of UT. The back ground of my phone was a picture of Jess with glasses drawn on her face with a highlighter and they were only visible under a black light. I'd say the night was a success.

you guys suck miserably @ this stupid blog. why would you ask me to be apart of this ever-so-boring ordeal. put your big girl panties on and start writing.

Oh Really?

Take that hideous picture off of this blog site STAT. I look like Laura Ingles from Little House on the Prairie. Next time I decide to buy a cute summer dress I think I will take someone other than Grandma Joyce. (no offense to gma... but they think we look cute in anything) hm. well it has been quite an interesting month... where to begin. the beginning: first off, lets talk about work. lets talk about the fact that ever since the beginning of the semester and am taking microbiology i have become quite obsessed with bacteria. so much that in fact i religously put toilet paper on every single toilet seat i sit on. do you ever get mad when going to the restroom? i do. i get so pissed when im at school/work and have to use the bathroom and some asshole before me either pissed all over the seat or left a nice present of a pubic hair. f_ing disgusting ok. so anyway... im at work, do the little ritual of lining the toilet seat with TP and i sit. i had been drinking a bunch of water/iced tea... so lets just say i had to go A LOT. so i pee like a race horse and go to stand up. to my surprise i completely missed the toilet, the pee ricashaed (sp?) off the toilet onto the floor and all over my scrubs. there was honestly no turning back. i had to get new pants. so i stayed in the bathroom trying to figure out what the shit i was supposed to do, step out for a minutes. realize if anyone saw me i'd be f*ed- finally a nurse a comes by and i run back into the bathroom and yell her name. told her i started my period and i needed new pants. so 10 min later she brings new srubs, pads, towels (haha), and MESH PANTIES. mesh panties are the shit by the way. so now i have learned that sitting on a pube may be less hazardous then sitting very close to the edge to avoid any pee- the reality is... youll piss all over yourself.
last wednesday- so my ex and i break up with my ex and get mono. 3.5 weeks later i decide its time for me to leave the house and go have some fun. so i go out to a few bars and then go to GAYSERS. (chasers) i have been there 1 other time in my life and since my recent visit i will never be returning. so previous to walking in, i had a shot of grey goose, a shot known as a wet pussy (a old man bought me this. i dont want to talk about it) and 2 bloody marys (ya chass i like them now)... so hey, im feelin good at this point. walk in the door to chasers make my way around the bar. who do i see... like really who. the ex & his little friend. so for privacy issues we will just call them clark and dorothy. so i walk up to clark & dorothy and say "aw really its cute you 2 are back together." dorothy tries to explain they havent talked & she just walked up to him but i just gave clark and this bitch the stink eye and walked away. so then i proceed to have random guys i do not know buy me ridiculous shots. i was taking crown royal shots (im dry heaving thinking about it) and some other CRAZY shit. then i see clarks cousin and tell her the good news. she gets pissed, walks up to clark and dorothy and watches clark for a bit. the night goes on i continue to get beligerant and eventually run into them all again. i push clark- push his flat billed hat off haha and push dorothy. time goes on... i take a few more shots. to make a long story short... clarks cousin gets kicked out for pushing dorothy and starting a fight, im so incredibly blacked out i become cool with dorothy and at one point take a f*ing hit off of her cigarette. ive had ONE puff of a cigarette my whole life besides this, dont even know this girl, know i dont like this girl and im just sitting there talking to her puffing her slobbery cig. (if i dont want to kill myself by the end of reliving this...someone do it for me please.) so then somehow shireen and & meredith pull me out of the bar and take me home. i remember none of this but apparently i was demanding tbell. we pull in line and i fling open my door and begin to throw up. people are rooting me on. we leave... i am puking all the way home leaning my head outside. they get to my house- i puke in my front lawn. i manage to get myself inside. go to the first bathroom sit on the toilet -put the trash can on my lap and begin to puke. my mom comes down the stairs. i puke on my brand new $80 jeans she just bought me for my bday. and proceed to hysterical ball for 2 hrs while i throw up. this was the classiest night of my life thank you.

OH OH and just when think ive been shit on enough lately... go to tjmaxx yesterday and run into dorothy and her friend. WOW SERIOUSLY. im pretty sure i need to get the F out of this town.

thats all for now.

I'm sorry

-that I have a math exam that I am not ready for in t-minus 24 hours.
-that work is kicking my ass and I'm exhausted when I get home.
-that I have yet another nonsense paper due Wednesday for my preschool level composition class.
-that I have a French exam on Wednesday and I can't actually understand anything my prof says.
-that my comp teacher keeps telling me to use the correct form of -ing verbals. WTF?!?!
-that my poor kitten poos on me when I pick him up because he has IBS.
-that I was de-registered from my Psych class today and can't go back until my bill is paid.
-that I owe CPCC 1500 dollars ASAP and I don't have the money...or a co-signer.
-that nothing interesting is going on in my life because I have no friends

-that I go to bed so early because I have to get up at the crack of dawn to ride a bus with the crazies because we are out of gas in Charlotte.

But what I am the most sorry about is that Oliver has horrible gas and he insists on sharing my pillow with me.

I hope everyone forgives me for not keeping up with the blog at this very trying time in my life.

But what I really want to say is:

Introducing....

There will now be guest positions available on the blog since my co-creator seems to fail miserably at actually posting anything. Let us know if you feel so inclined to share some of your thoughts and or stories on the blog. This week's guest: Jaimie Lynn Snider. She's pretty outrageous and does some pretty amusing things. I think you'll like her.

Peter Peter Peter Peter Peter Peter Peter Peter

I miss my best friend. So much in fact that I cried about it in a drunken stuper last evening. I miss the days of old when we would get drunk in bars, fields, cars, basements, apartments, dorm rooms and houses and do ridiculous ass nonsense. People would not be friends with us anymore if they knew half the shit that we do/have done. I miss just lazy days as well, when we would spend all day together doing absolutely nothing. She's part of my family. The distance between Ohio and North Carolina feels like it's getting farther. Cell phone conversations and text messages don't even come close to comparing to car rides across town and morning talks after drinking. I would be lost without her. Spending seven unseparable years as best friends has now turned around to bite us in the ass. I'm currently going through a state of withdrawal. It's hard living life here in BG without someone to tell me whether or not my chicken is cooked all of the way through. So that's it, that's all. I just wanted you to know I miss you.

Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful

Who would have thought? Who would have thought that one week we'd be venturing across Wooster street to class in flip flops and tank tops and then the next week we'd be fighting our way through the 20 degree wind chill? Whoever came up with the clever saying: Blowing Green really applied the weather to the university, that's for sure. So today I put on a hoodie, and my northface. Could someone kindly remind me what month it is? I'm pretty sure the hoodie/northface/uggs combo isn't supposed to start springing up on campus until late November. This is bad for two reasons. One: Because now every BG falcon is going to burrow their way into their houses and dorm rooms to shield themselves from the frigid wood county air, making studying or going to classes more depressing than usual. And Two: If the weather is acting this downright ridiculous within the first two days of October, what in tarnation is it going to be like within the first two days of December?! I can honestly state right now that if a blizzardy blunder (Thank Chassidy's grandma for that one) hit BGSU right now and buried the school under mounds of snowhills... I would drop out of college and go work at a nursing home.


"If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile."
-Rascal Flatts


No, no, no... not today, Rascal.